Living With Verbal Abuse

Two months before the March Madness of 2020, when the world went crazy over the Worst Disease Ever, I escaped from an abusive relationship after three years of failed attempts and confusion. (I believe this experience helped immunize me against the Curve-Flattening Crazies.)

During the last few months before my escape, I started writing about my experience in a secret blog, which I showed to a very few trusted friends and relatives. To keep it hidden, I never linked to it anywhere on the public web (I shared it on a private forum). After three years of secrecy, I’m now going to put this blog on display for all to read. You can find the archive of posts here. A good place to start there would be the Book-Throwing Incident. That was the event that told me I needed to get serious about escaping; it took me another year and half to do that.

The most important advice I can offer to those who are in an abusive relationship is to leave as soon as possible, but to do it in a well-planned way so that you can leave safely. This means you must:

• not reveal your plans to the abuser
• have a safe haven waiting for you after you escape
• have a secret stash of money to use for your escape
• have a secret cell phone (I used a cheapo flip-phone)
• have a secret credit card

The first time I tried to escape, I didn’t do any of these things. I got sucked back into the relationship, and wasted another 2.5 years hoping things would get better. Learn from my mistake: don’t waste time and energy on hopium.