Down the Memory Hole

Greetings, Pfizer Pfaithful! We at the Ministry of Truthiness are sure that the last three years of our telling you what to think and do have engendered some strong memories of that exciting time. Cast your feeble minds back and take a walk down memory lane…

Lockdowns and Masks

Remember “two weeks to flatten the curve”? Remember how that turned into two months, and then two years?

Remember the Great Toilet Paper Shortage?

Remember the mad scramble for hand sanitizer?

Remember the helpful instructions on how to wash your hands (sing “Happy Birthday” twice)?

Remember the lines outside stores in the freezing weather because of limited capacity? Remember online shopping and curbside pickup? Remember sanitizing your groceries when you got home?

Remember how restaurants were closed but Walmart and liquor stores remained open?

Remember how you were deemed a non-essential worker and lost your job?

Remember social distancing, one-way arrows, and six-foot stickers in stores?

Remember the Great Mask Shortage and how you had to sew your own masks? Remember wearing a mask everywhere, even outdoors? Remember being told to wear two masks because one wasn’t good enough? Remember being told you were a granny killer if you didn’t wear a mask? Remember yelling at people who didn’t wear masks?

Remember not being able to visit sick or dying relatives in hospitals?

Remember not being able to have Thanksgiving or Christmas gatherings? Remember snitching on neighbors who had gatherings of more than two households?

Experimental injections

Remember how we told you that jabs would allow you to get back to normal?

Remember how we told you that you’d only need one – or two at most – jabs?

Remember how you had to get boosters after the first set of jabs?

Remember how you still had to wear masks and practice social distancing even after being jabbed?

Remember how we told you that jabs would stop the virus dead in its tracks, and keep you from getting sick, or transmitting the virus?

Remember how you were coerced into getting a jab or you’d lose your job?

Remember how your friends told you that you were a granny killer if you didn’t get a jab? Remember how Noam Chomsky said you should starve if you didn’t get a jab?

Remember how you weren’t allowed to go to concerts or meetings unless you got a jab?

Remember how you weren’t allowed to visit sick or dying relatives in hospitals or nursing homes unless you got a jab?

The Memory Hole

Well, we at the Ministry of Truthiness want you to know that none of that actually happened! That’s right – we’re shoving all your memories down the memory hole, burning every last trace of them.

We never made you lock down and stay home!

We never made you close your businesses or lose your jobs!

We never said the jabs would stop you from getting sick!

Sure, mistakes were made, but they were honest mistakes! We couldn’t have known then what we know now.

Really, things were never as bad as you remember. In fact, things were great! And they’re going to be great in the future. By getting you to forget what happened in the past, we can do the same things to you in the future and you won’t resist, because they’ll seem like new and wonderful things that will give you a renewed sense of purpose in life.

So stay tuned for further instructions on what to fear. It may be another virus (though we failed with Monkeypox). It may be climate change, or racism, or cyber-terrorists, or misinformation, or something we haven’t even thought of yet. But it’ll be great, whatever it turns out to be!