The Uncivil War
Greetings, worthy opponents! We at the Ministry of Truthiness now wish to address our opponents for a change, instead of just propagandizing our Pfizer Pfaithful, as we usually do. We’re impressed by your attempts to uncover our plans for total control, but you’ve gone far enough, and we’ve come up with our own plan to foil you.
You see, we don’t have an ideology other than that aforementioned total control. We’re not left, right, or centrist – we just want to control every aspect of your lives. We’ve found, through trial and error, that the best way to do that is to atomize you, sow discord, make you dehumanize each other, and in general distract you from our plans by getting you to spend your lives fighting each other over other stuff.
This plan has worked really well so far. For many years now, we’ve gotten you to fight each other over lots of things that get you all hot and bothered. We love it when you accuse each other of being commies, fascists, demorats, rethugs, warmongers, peaceniks, and all those other familiar labels. We love it even more when you spend time and money fighting each other over these labels, because that leaves us to continue with our plans unimpeded.
But as we mentioned before, too many of you have been seeing through our propaganda, and we can’t let that go on. So we’re working to divide and atomize you, our worthy opponents, so that you’ll switch to fighting each other and leave us alone. This strategy is working great! Here’s how you, our opponents, can help with this:
Make a list of all of your positions on the state of the world.
Compare your list of positions with the lists of others who oppose us, especially those opponents who are famous.
If there are any discrepancies between your list and the lists of others, accuse those others of being “controlled opposition”, and make sure to hate them and denigrate them publicly. “Controlled” is a great word because it’s passive, meaning you don’t have to say who’s doing the “controlling”! It doesn’t matter whether the person you hate is actually “controlled” or not; it’s enough to simply cast doubt on their reliability and honesty. Nobody can be as pure as you are, so pretty much everyone who isn’t you is “controlled opposition”. See how simple that is?
As you can see from our divide-and-conquer strategy detailed above, the truth isn’t important here. What’s important is that you stop being united, and instead focus on unproductive in-fighting. As that great philosopher, Ashleigh Brilliant, said: “The time for action is past. Now is the time for senseless bickering!” This will give you a sense of righteousness and purpose, which will, fortunately, direct your attention away from us, your actual controllers.
In case it might help, here’s a video showing how to implement this distracting in-fighting: