Bread and Circuses

Greetings, caring supporters of the Current Thing™! We at the Ministry of Truthiness are glad that you’re continuing to get excited about stuff that distracts you from paying attention to our plans. So far, we’ve managed to use propaganda to make you get your knickers in a twist about the following circus acts:

• Bad Orange Man vs. Senile Hair Sniffer
• Good Slavic Leader vs. Bad Slavic Leader (*)
• Astros vs. Phillies
• Rethugs vs. Libtards
• Goodthinkers vs. Deplorables
• Treehuggers vs. Drillers

And so much more! The more you get passionate about these contests, the more we can continue planning out your future without your annoying interference. And boy, do we have some great plans for you! You obedient serfs don’t know what’s good for you, due to your inferior intellect. So our super-sciency scientific experts are filling that knowledge gap.

To take one example, you probably didn’t know that money – the nasty physical stuff in bills and coins – is bad for you. Well, it is! It’s dirty and disease-ridden, obviously. But worse than that, it lets you buy stuff that’s bad for you! We can’t let that happen. So Real Soon Now, we’re going to replace all that dirty money with digital money. It’ll be Safe and Effective™, because it will prevent you from doing Bad Things with your new virtual money. Instead, you’ll be allowed to spend money on those circus acts we mentioned above.

Or take lockdowns and forced injections, as another example. The last three years taught us that you’ll comply with any silly rule we make up – even lock yourselves in your own homes or jab yourselves with untested experimental drugs – if we scare you with some really juicy fear porn. This is great, because we know you’ll Do the Right Thing the next time we have to deal with some crisis that we caused, like a financial meltdown, or inflation, or overwhelmed hospitals, or energy shortages, or whatever! You’ll feel good knowing that you’ve sacrificed your own freedom to help the Greater Good. Best of all, while you’re locked in your homes or recovering from the injections, you can watch those circus acts we mentioned above on your smartphones.

Or take censorship, as a third example. We can’t let you think for yourself or listen to conspiracy theorists who aren’t in our panel of sciency experts. Free speech is a danger to our democracy! So we’ll need to keep you safe from Badthinkers by preventing their words from reaching your tender little brains. But we’ll let you talk or write about all those circus acts we mentioned above, because that way you’ll think you still have rights like freedom of speech.

So keep supporting the Current Thing and hating those Domestic Terrorists who disagree with you, so we can get on with doing what’s Best For You. Go Phillies! (Or is it Astros?)

(*) You wanna know how to tell a Good Slavic Leader from a Bad one? Easy! He’s the one who can play the piano with something other than his fingers.