Plastic Shields Work!

Greetings, lovers of The Science™! We at the Ministry of Truthiness want you to learn a very important truthy and scientific lie that we made up about the Scary Virus that causes the Worst Disease Ever. Armed with this thruthy lie, you will be able to properly protect yourself using plastic shields that would have looked ridiculous a few short years ago, but which are totally great and sciency now.

The most important thing for you to know is that the Scary Virus can only travel in straight lines. If it meets a plastic shield, it is stopped dead in its tracks. It can’t go over, under, or around the shield. This is true even though it travels in aerosol particles that are smaller than smoke particles that can go around the shields. That’s the magic of The Science™: the laws of physics are different for different things, depending how they align with our very truthy lies.

You can start protecting yourself against the Worst Disease Ever by constructing a plastic cone that fits around your head, as seen in this picture:

For the most complete protection, you will need to wear this shield at all times, even while showering, sleeping, or having sex.

If you operate a shop, and you find that the aforementioned plastic cone interferes with your work efficiency, or that insensitive granny-killers are laughing at you, you can protect yourself from the Worst Disease Ever by installing a giant plastic shield on your counter that sits between you and your plague-ridden patrons. You can put a big hole in the shield to allow money to be passed back and forth, because the Scary Virus is not smart enough to see the hole. Even in the unlikely event that the Scary Virus does see the hole, it is polite enough to see that you wish to be protected, and it will honor your wish by refusing to pass through the hole.

This is yet another example of the very sciency scientific Science™ that we made up for our benefit, and to trick you into thinking we can keep you safe. Stay tuned for more exciting nuggets of Science™, and don’t forget to keep being afraid of the unknown in the meantime.