Our Big Lies
Greetings, fearful news junkies! We at the Ministry of Truthiness want you to become more familiar with the Big Lies that form the foundation of our plans for the eventual total control of your lives. Your familiarity with these lies will help us to suppress any information that contradicts these lies. We couldn’t do it without you!
Here, in brief, are the Big Lies that we’ve been propagating far and wide every day for the last 2+ years:
SARS-CoV-2 is the Worst Virus Ever, and thus has created the Worst Disease Ever.
Now, of course we know that the Worst Disease Ever is a bit worse than a bad flu for the elderly and the sick, and much less bad than the flu for everybody else. But we have lied by omission about this fact, in order to get you to believe that you have a 50/50 chance of dying if you get the Worst Disease Ever. We’re not going to correct your misunderstanding of the risk, because we want you to remain fearful at all times.
All of our NPIs (non-pharmaceutical interventions) like lockdowns, masks, and anti-social distancing did wonders for stopping the Worst Disease Ever.
Now, of course anybody who compares countries or states who did NPIs with those that didn’t knows that the NPIs did nothing. But that’s OK. Our goal is to train people to go along with every silly mandate and rule that we pull out of a hat. And so far, we’ve had great success with that – so great that many of you still go along with these silly mandates and rules even after they’ve been lifted. This means it’ll be easier for us to get you to comply in the future.
People who aren’t sick are walking biohazards.
That’s right: even if you’re feeling just great, you could be a reservoir of deadly viruses that are just waiting to leap out of your mouth and kill granny. Now, of course Dr. Fauci once said that asymptomatic transmission has never been the driver of respiratory virus outbreaks. But that was a temporary lapse of judgment on his part. He soon got with the program and has been dispensing our brand of non-stop fear ever since.
PCR tests can tell you if you’re sick.
As we mentioned earlier, you’re still a plague rat even if you’re totally healthy. So you need to take PCR tests – lots of tests – to see if you’re sick. Now, of course the inventor of the PCR test, Kary Mullis, said that his test can’t actually tell if you’re sick or going to be sick. But he’s dead and can’t contradict our lie. What’s really great about the test is that, as with the NPIs we mentioned earlier, it keeps you fearful and anxious. And we’ve turned up the fear knob to 11 by allowing PCR tests to use super-high cycle thresholds, which means that the false positive rates are through the roof. This way, you’ll think you’re a granny killer at all times. But see the next Big Lie; it’s a way to escape your plague rat status.
The Glorious Goo is safe and effective.
As we mentioned earlier, in 2020 we told you that everybody was a walking biohazard. But in 2021 we gave you a way to feel safe and virtuous: by injecting a Glorious Goo gene therapy that we tricked you into thinking would make you immune to the Worst Disease Ever. So now you can pretend that you’re no longer a granny killer, and that only those who refuse to take the Glorious Goo are the real granny killers. Of course, the Glorious Goo isn’t actually safe and effective, which means that not only can you still catch the Worst Disease Ever, but you can also pass it on to granny, and it could also harm you. But we can’t let you know that, because that would be bad for Big Pharma’s profits, and bad for our plan for total control. So just be reassured that the Goo is safe and effective, despite all evidence to the contrary.
Now that you know what the Big Lies are, you are ready to spread them far and wide on social media. Also, be sure to use the following key phrases as you praise your fellow obedient serfs, and shame and censor those who disagree with you:
- The Worst Disease Ever isn’t over yet.
- The Glorious Goo is Safe and Effective.
- I got the Worst Disease Ever, but it would have been Much Worse without the Glorious Goo.
- A mask is no big deal, just a piece of cloth.
- I liked lockdowns, because I got to work from home.