Verbal Abuse
This subsection contains posts I wrote as a secret blog during the period when I was dealing with verbal abuse in my marriage. I had to keep it secret in order to avoid endangering myself and my escape plan. The marriage ended in 2024, so I feel it’s safe to publish these posts now, in case they might help someone else dealing with abuse in a relationship.
A good place to start would be The Book-Throwing Incident.
More About the Book-Throwing Incident
#Verbal Abuse#Incidents#Physical_abuse#Counselors#Cycles#Trauma
In my post about the book-throwing incident, I was using notes I had written soon after the incident. There are a few more details about that incident that I wanted to mention, about counselors, cycles of abuse, and trauma.
June 6, 2019
Cycles of abuse
Most verbal abusers are filled with inner tension, which they periodically and unpredictably release with angry outbursts directed at their partners. –Patricia Evans, The Verbally Abusive Relationship As I mentioned yesterday, the verbal abuse comes in cycles: a calm period where things seem to be going OK (we’re in one right now) a gradual build-up of tension (more and more little zingers coming my way) a furious, stunning outburst of anger and verbal abuse
June 5, 2019
Defensiveness
#Verbal Abuse#Put-Downs#Defensiveness
One of the put-downs that I receive the most is: “You’re being defensive!” I have struggled for years with this one, because I keep thinking there must be some truth to it, and because my wife keeps telling me I have to change.
June 4, 2019
Put-downs
I regularly receive negative messages and put-downs, and they are either explicit or implicit. Here are some of the explicit ones:
June 3, 2019
Hide This Book
If you’re encountering verbal abuse … do not … tell the abuser to read this book (even if you really want the abuser to read it, it may not happen in your lifetime. And, if the abuser does read it, don’t be surprised if his response is “This is all about you!”. – Patricia Evans, The Verbally Abusive Relationship
June 2, 2019
Compassion
Reasons for behavior explain behavior. They don’t excuse the behavior. – Ann Silvers, Abuse of Men BY Women
June 1, 2019
The Book-Throwing Incident
#Verbal Abuse#Incidents#Physical_abuse
Eleven months ago I received a bout of verbal abuse that, for the first time, bordered on physical abuse. It shocked me into writing my experience down soon afterward so that I could try to make sense of it. What follows is what I wrote then, verbatim, with no additions or edits, so some of it may seem a bit repetitive or poorly organized.
May 31, 2019
First Post
#Gaslighting#Verbal Abuse#Teddy
I started this blog as a place to write about verbal abuse in marriage, and specifically from the point of view of a man being abused by a female partner. I realize this is potentially a controversial subject, so I want to make it as clear as I possibly can: abuse of any kind is harmful, no matter who does it. Recognizing and acknowledging that women sometimes verbally abuse men does not minimize or discount the abuse that women sometimes get from men. To repeat: all abuse is harmful.
May 29, 2019